Over the past 30 years, I had counselling sessions.
What stands out to me now is how clueless the counsellors were, how unhelpful. Nothing changed, I still had no idea why I was the way I was, had no idea how to make the grief and pain go away. Oh, and the anger.
It wasn’t until 10 years ago I finally found a fantastic,inspirational therapist, who took me deep into my subconscious and made sense of it all. I didn’t want to look at my past, but I was so sick of it holding me back I had no choice really.
I saw why I had such low self esteem, I realised why my relationships were all similar- awful, abusive, avoidant, emotionally absent.
Gradually, the mists cleared and I stopped feeling bereft, stopped feeling angry at everyone, started to appreciate that I was actually bright, and my lack of self esteem was historic conditioning by people who should have loved me and taken care of me but didn’t.
I did an introduction to counselling and discovered that not only did I love it, I was good at it.
It was so difficult, but instead of giving up, like I always had in the past, I persevered and qualified.
The therapist I so admired trained me in in her techniques, so I also learned about psychotherapy and childhood trauma, and here I am today- no longer held back by my past, looking forward to the future and confidant in my abilities.
Without that fantastic counsellor, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Counselling can be life changing.